Why London? | Girl Talk

We're all meant to leave the nest, right? Some of us are just destined to fly a little further away from our nest than others.

On the 12th of September, I celebrated my 4 year anniversary of moving to London. I love to think back on every little step I took that led me here because I can now see how my path was always leading to London. Just as we love to think an invisible string ties us to our person, I also think an invisible string has always tied me to London.

My family didn't travel much outside of the road trips we'd take to visit extended family in Florida. I suppose, because it seemed so foreign and exciting, I was obsessed with the idea of traveling abroad and being put in unfamiliar places and situations. Not to mention, I grew up watching the Cheetah Girls travel to Spain and India; Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen go to France and Amanda Bynes' character surprise her biological father in England in What a Girl Wants. So, when I heard I could live abroad while studying at university, I took the plunge and paid the $500 deposit in faith that I could somehow afford it. (Only after the fact did I tell my family ...) After years of lying in the backyard, watching airplanes fly over my small town, I finally felt it was my time to let one take me far away to new adventures.

I spent an entire summer saving every. single. penny. so I could pay for a semester abroad, while my dad kindly paid for my gas so I could travel to work for free. And guess what ... it still wasn't enough. So, I called the woman who managed the finances for the abroad programmes, and I told her I was going to be $2,000 shy of what was required and needed to drop out of the programme at the last-minute. She responded, "Hold on a second. Let me call you back in about 5 minutes." I was stunned, like a deer in headlights. What was so important she had to call me back? I was in the middle of an absolute spiral, and all she could say was let me call you back? When she did call again, she immediately opened with, "Don't worry about it. I've got someone willing to cover the rest for you. You're going to London!" Again, I was stunned, but this time it was because of the incredible generosity of strangers, and because of their generosity, I got to live in London and travel around Europe for four perfect months.

I lived in a flat next to the British Museum and went to class in coffee shops. We had afternoon tea in the Houses of Parliament. We learned to hail a bus and take the tube. We traveled every Thursday to other famous UK locations like Glastonbury and Stonehenge. Some weeks, we'd take trips throughout Europe. We hiked on a glacier and saw volcanoes in Iceland. We stayed at the historic Chateau de Servigny in France where the Treaty of Servigny was signed during WWII. We ate apple streusel in Vienna and napped under the Eiffel Tower in Paris.

There are moments in your life that are truly transformational, and those four months were exactly that. When my semester abroad ended, I knew in my heart I would someday come back to this city. I can hear how cliché that sounds, but London was and is one of the great loves of my life. When I returned to the States, it was like I had fresh eyes. I began to notice how God had been leading me to London all along, and I firmly believed He would be leading me back. If invisible strings were real, God had certainly tied one to me and London.

In September of 2021, I moved back to London after being accepted for a Master's programme. I lived in a flat I had only seen pictures of with two girls I had met once on Zoom. My room was a shoebox with the tiniest closet in the hallway. My best friend and I had taken a red-eye flight and were on our way to drop our bags in my shoebox room and freshen up before venturing out into the city, but that first day was just a disaster. The London I came back to didn't feel like the London I previously knew, and I was afraid I'd made a mistake. I cried in the shower on that first night and thought, "Brielle, you are in over your head." The realisation that I had moved abroad for an entire year on my own had finally hit me, and so did the guilt for moving so far from family. (I talk about this in more detail in an earlier blog.) Thankfully, the next day felt lighter, and all it took was a chocolate croissant and a good view.

I went first thing in the morning to Pret and took my pastry and coffee with me to sit on the steps of Trafalgar Square -- the place I'd always felt represented the heart of London -- and suddenly, I felt okay again. (Having my best friend there was also a big help.) It was the first place I remember visiting when I previously came to London that made me feel like I was the main character of a movie. It felt like the center of the world. It felt magical. I hope everyone experiences that feeling at least once in their lifetime.

Pret breakfast at Trafalgar Square, September 2021. This is the moment I felt like I reunited with the London I had been missing.

That first year back in London was filled with novel experiences. It was the first time in my life that I didn't have any other Christians around me. (Growing up in the Bible Belt and having just graduated from a private Christian university ... you can understand why this would have been a "novel" experience.) I was frequently traveling to new countries (the most out-of-my-comfort-zone-but-in-the-best-way experience was riding on the back of a stranger's motorbike in Cambodia). I broke up with my boyfriend of nearly 5 years. I tried Hinge and went on a coffee date with a man 10 years my senior that I had zero chemistry with and made out with a random army guy I met at a bar while au pairing in Portugal (sorry, Dad, if you're reading this). I went to concerts by myself (and met my now husband, Caleb, at a Maggie Rogers' gig) and tried getting comfortable being on my own in public spaces. I was saying yes to things I wouldn't have before; some of those things were good, some ... I wouldn't recommend but don't regret. I also wanted stories that would make my future grandchildren believe I was once cool, and I think I accomplished that.

My second year of London began with a whirlwind love affair that quickly soured (again, found on Hinge; my life would not be the ideal advertisement for the success of online dating). This 6-month relationship was the catalyst for significant change in my life. I was the thinnest, most anxious and insecure me I have ever been. I was drinking (a lot) to temporarily relieve myself of all the anxiety and insecurity, but when the alcohol wore off, the hang-xiety would clock in for her shift. I was tired, lonely and desperate for change, so I decided to try therapy. Instead of attending my session, I ended up at the door of a house church I had heard about 3 months prior. I started praying, "God, if You don't want this for me, then I don't want this for me."

I ended my relationship 2 weeks later. I began to limit my drinking and re-evaluate my habits. I ran into Caleb again a month later and, eventually, we started dating and attending the house church together. God began teaching me about the root of my anxiety and insecurity. He told me how much He loved me and all the beautiful things He thought about me. I made more friends and started building a community. I don't think I would have understood how desperately I needed Jesus if I hadn't been through that first year and a half in London. I always say I would make all the same decisions if it meant ending up where I am now.

And where am I now?

Well, what was supposed to be one year turned into four, but I think deep down I always knew that would happen. I believed I could do the one-year Master's programme and experience life in London then get back to "reality." I'd move closer to Nashville and work for an inner-city public school as an English teacher. But instead, after I graduated, I spent all my savings on a Graduate Visa, praying I'd find a job that would sponsor me. I worked double shifts as a waitress until I landed a temporary role at the university I came to study at. I got promoted within a month and was hired permanently. Caleb and I started dating, got engaged after about 6 months and married soon after. In fact, we celebrated one-year of marriage in May. We live in a beautiful flat surrounded by so many gorgeous green spaces (green spaces are a luxury in a big city, so it's only right to brag), have a loving church community, volunteer at our local food bank and explore this beautiful city as often as we can. In every way, it's exactly what I hoped and dreamed of for myself and even more.

I do think about what life would have been like if I had stayed back in the United States. I can see myself settling into a comfortable rhythm, grabbing coffee at my favourite spot each morning, going for runs on the same trail I've been running on since high school ... But I'd be restless just as I had always been. I was never unhappy, just restless and itching for adventure, craving the unknown. I would still be daydreaming as I lay on the trampoline or tall, itchy grass, looking up longingly at the sky as airplanes floated on by. And sure, maybe I wouldn't have made some of the mistakes I made if I had stayed home, but I do think they shaped me. Every decision and mistake we make shapes us in some way, and if you can learn and grow from it, can you really consider it all that bad?

So, that's why it had to be London, and that's why I get so emotional celebrating my anniversary of moving to this one-of-a-kind city. I think God created me with a desire for adventure. And that desire He put in my heart would lead me to London where my wildest encounters of Him would transform my life. He would take my worst decisions and mistakes and turn them into something beautiful and life-giving. Would I have known the beauty of God's love if I hadn't felt so unloved? Would I have understood the necessity of community if I hadn't felt so lonely? Would I have learned to be confident in who I am if I hadn't tried to drink myself into a new person? Maybe, maybe not. I think it was a blessing to endure the hardships so I could finally, truly live my life for Christ instead of half-heartedly calling myself a Christian. I think it was a blessing to have made so many mistakes because it taught me the power and extent of God's compassion and grace. I don't think I would love God the way I do if I hadn't experienced everything I did. And now, London shines brighter than ever, and so do I.

I hope and pray I get to live in London forever, but seeing all the good God has done within me by bringing me here, I can trust that wherever He calls me, it will be worth it. But for now, I am happily rooted in this city, and I can't wait to see what another year here has in store for me.

Just married. May 25th 2024. The very best thing about London is that it brought me and Caleb together.